On that summer day, half a century ago, I was six years old. I noticed how Mike, my classmate and neighbor, sneaked around the corner of the five-story building, to its rear side without entrances. Our young working-class town was then being intensely build up and growing. Our newly build five-story building for seventy five apartments stood on the very outskirts. Behind it was only almost pristine field with wild grass up to the waist. It was clear that Mike had gone there out of sight with some secret intention. Out of curiosity, I sneaked behind him. When I popped up from around the corner, Mike was leaning back against the wall, about ten meters from me. He glared at me angrily. As I approached, he muttered: «What’s the matter?" Then, he took his hand out from behind his back and handed me a smoking cigarette butt: "Here, take a drag!" I hesitated for a moment, as I had never liked the idea of smoking, because it was widely considered a ‘crime’ for children and I knew that it was harmful to health. Nevertheless, out of curiosity, I decided to try it once, just to learn what it is really like. I was sure it must be very pleasant, since so many adults did smoke despite health harm. I did not have the slightest idea how to smoke and did not know that the puff should be sucked first into mouth, and only then, diluted with fresh air from semi-open mouth, to lungs. I took the butt proffered to me, put it in my mouth, and breathed through it the hot smoke directly inside. Straight away I felt as though a fire had burned my lungs. I could feel their shape, size and location by the boundaries of the pain. I was stunned for a moment by surprise, disappointment and pain. Then tears splashed from my eyes and I burst into a loud, prolonged cough. Mike got worried that my coughing would attract someone's malapropos attention. "Uh-uh, you don’t even know how to smoke," Mike said irritably and pulled at my sleeve away from there.
Such a negative first experience discouraged me for long from attempting to smoke again. I thought forever. When most of my teenage friends started bragging about their smoking, especially in companies, I firmly refused then. In the USSR, the vast majority of men smoked (contrary to women). Therefore, when I reached the age of 15, I began to periodically hear from my peers phrases like ‘you are not a man, since you do not smoke’ and catch half-contemptuous glances at myself. By that time almost all my peers around already were smoking. In the courtyard at the school by that time, several stable companies of smokers had formed. They regularly used to show themselves off with a smoking cigarette. I was not firmly attached to any of such groups and along with other several teenagers we maintained a certain ‘independence’. So, I and several other guys could never start smoking, but that would have some obvious repercussions to us. Firstly we would be permanently excluded from many teenage ‘adventures’ and in addition would be dubbed as a ‘mama's boys’ (it would be especially applicable to me, given the fact that I was raised by a single mother). Such prospect did not suit me and I decided on rare occasions to force myself to smoke a cigarette. I deliberately did this only with a large crowd of peers, so that with one act of smoking could be demonstrated to as many my peers, as possible. About half of my friends quickly became addicted to nicotine and complained when there were no cigarettes around. I didn’t quite believe them for a long time, suspecting that they were just maintaining their ‘manhood’ that way. For me, due to my seldom smoking, the craving for nicotine did not develop for long. I played sports, attended boxing training group, and felt to sympathy for tobacco at all.
Yet, finally, I became addicted too. An so strongly! By the time I entered the university, I was consistently smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day. Further, my living in a smoking hostel, the stress of studying and the romance of student life brought my daily consumption to a pack of cigarettes a day. Many students have been on this dose for years. My addiction progressed mercilessly further. By the end of my fourth year, I was smoking a pack and a half a day, sometimes even two. Such amount of nicotine could not but affect my health and well-being. The mood and vividness of perception of life decreased. My face became gray with circles under eyes. First time in my life I experienced shortness of breath and my heart began to ache. Performance in all my activities decreased and went up only for short periods after smoking. In the end even this positive effect of nicotine disappeared – I began to feel bad after each cigarette smoked! A paradoxical situation arose. Every 20 minutes I had a craving for a cigarette, which increased dramatically over time if I abstained. But as soon as I smoked it, I became ill straight away and my performance dropped to almost zero. I decided to quit smoking at whatever it takes. Unexpectedly I’ve got a boost to my morale. I discovered another student who had the same symptoms – he also suffered after each cigarette consumed. We both woke up in the morning completely physically exhausted, not remembering what day of the week it was, what lectures today scheduled and at what time, what was yesterday, what we planned for today. We could hardly think of anything, barely remember our names, but we firmly remembered that we urgently needed to smoke two or three cigarettes in a row preferably strong ones like ‘Belomorkanal’ or ‘Kazbek’. Then we needed to drink a couple of glasses of strongest black tea. And only after that, the memory and vitality slowly returned to us. Our brains launched the process of thinking and our bodies began to satisfactorily obey our commands. We were ready to start a new day.
